The dusty sand, weary feet, and God

I feel weary following God. So, as I was walking along with Him, I stopped. I looked down to the sandy road, to my tired feet. I frowned.
This is not turning out like I thought it would.
I'm disappointed.
I don't even understand Him right now.
I tried to search Him but He seemed to leave me with my weariness.
If this is all truly from Him, then why is it tiring? Why couldn't I find that joy?
The decision I made felt large for me. But why wasn't it turning into anything?
Endurance sounded plainly stupid. I don't know what I should do to please Him.
So I frowned.
I sat down, cross-legged on the sand, with my arms folded in front of me.
He stopped, He looked back, His eyes full of inquiries.
Trust Me?
He seemed to ask.
I started to have tears in my eyes. I looked down to my feet and refused to answer. It's not a no, not a yes. I simply didn't want to answer. Didn't know how to.
So He came, walked back a few pace, and knelt in front of me.
He knew it was hard for me, to trust Him.
So He stayed silent and looked at my eyes.
Why couldn't you trust Me?
Because I'm scared!
You knew who you are. Don't look at your circumstances or your feelings. You know my nature. Believe in Me, not what you thought I would do. My actions are not always what you predicted.
But what iffff..... I was full of what-ifs.
The conversation went on back and forth.
But what He told me is this:
You are able to go through this. But focus on yourself, and it will hurt you.
He doesn't answer what I asked, but His kneeling down besides me was enough. He understood.
and somehow....
I didn't feel wrong about stopping for that little while.
It seems like.... He appreciated my cries and questions.

and...wow. I'm proud to have God in my life.